Look At Me!
My father-in-law has been visiting all week. Visiting is the wrong word, really. Some of our neighbors refer to him as "the gardener" given that he spends 85% of his waking hours here pruning this and planting that. This trip he's making the stretch into hard-core landscaping, installing a hedge at the back of our lot. This has required chopping out tree roots, loosening nearly a cubic yard of soil, and, most notably, removing a sad old picket fence. Nearly ten trips have been made to the city dump and the local hardware store as various steps of the process have been completed and as unforeseen challenges requiring new tools have arisen.
During the time that he's been slaving away in our yard, his son (and my beloved) has been at work, meaning that it's been just the four of us here all day...my father-in-law, the kids, and me. And stereotypical in-law relationships aside, we've been getting along just smashingly. I mostly keep doing what I always do with periodic interruptions to consult on landscape aesthetics.
I've been surprised by how much easier mothering has seemed during his visit. Sure, he spent his first day here lavishing the kids with attention and has entertained them (or at least tolerated them) at the work site for short periods of time. But for the most part, they're under my jurisdiction all day. So why does it feel so much different, I've wondered?
A lightbulb came on for me in that regard this morning as my little one and I left preschool after dropping off big brother. She refused my hand in making her way down the long flight of stairs to the exit. "Look at me!" she said, grasping the railing. "I can do it all by myself!"
It made me think of a conversation I had a few months ago with one of my dearest friends. She is perhaps the most contented stay-at-home mom that I will ever meet, and I've openly envied her for that. As we were marveling over lunch at the endless variety and sheer number of things we do in the course of a day's work, she said, "I really think I could have been a pioneer woman, out fending for myself and my family."
Her comment painted a clear picture of a theretofore unfocused image I had of being a mother out of the mainstream workforce. It's sort of like pioneering...and pioneering is lonely. No one to encourage you, no one to cheer you on for your intrepid and creative spirit.
That's why having another adult around, one who isn't directly involved in my activites but who observes them throughout the day, has been so helpful. When I said last night at dinner, "I can't believe I'm still in my gym clothes," his response was, "I can with the way your days go." It was a simple acknowledgment of the complex and fluid nature of mothering, the effective handling of which is a point of pride for all moms. And I hadn't even had to say, "Look at me! I can do it all by myself!"
During the time that he's been slaving away in our yard, his son (and my beloved) has been at work, meaning that it's been just the four of us here all day...my father-in-law, the kids, and me. And stereotypical in-law relationships aside, we've been getting along just smashingly. I mostly keep doing what I always do with periodic interruptions to consult on landscape aesthetics.
I've been surprised by how much easier mothering has seemed during his visit. Sure, he spent his first day here lavishing the kids with attention and has entertained them (or at least tolerated them) at the work site for short periods of time. But for the most part, they're under my jurisdiction all day. So why does it feel so much different, I've wondered?
A lightbulb came on for me in that regard this morning as my little one and I left preschool after dropping off big brother. She refused my hand in making her way down the long flight of stairs to the exit. "Look at me!" she said, grasping the railing. "I can do it all by myself!"
It made me think of a conversation I had a few months ago with one of my dearest friends. She is perhaps the most contented stay-at-home mom that I will ever meet, and I've openly envied her for that. As we were marveling over lunch at the endless variety and sheer number of things we do in the course of a day's work, she said, "I really think I could have been a pioneer woman, out fending for myself and my family."
Her comment painted a clear picture of a theretofore unfocused image I had of being a mother out of the mainstream workforce. It's sort of like pioneering...and pioneering is lonely. No one to encourage you, no one to cheer you on for your intrepid and creative spirit.
That's why having another adult around, one who isn't directly involved in my activites but who observes them throughout the day, has been so helpful. When I said last night at dinner, "I can't believe I'm still in my gym clothes," his response was, "I can with the way your days go." It was a simple acknowledgment of the complex and fluid nature of mothering, the effective handling of which is a point of pride for all moms. And I hadn't even had to say, "Look at me! I can do it all by myself!"
posted by Lisa Strandberg at 4:23 PM
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